We’re only human, and that means that — even the most confident among us — have our own individual insecurities of varying degrees.  These insecurities can be really hard to pinpoint but once you are able to recognize and manage them,  a whole new world opens up.  When your insecure thoughts become actions, that’s when you really start to break down.  For instance, if  a group of people are speaking are speaking Spanish and you don’t speak it or able to speak just enough to get by. Some will immediately try to avoid being pulled into the group by going into “defense mode”. They say to themselves, “If I look mean, they won’t approach me” and the don’t most of the time. But that gives the wrong impression on who you really are. Being somewhat insecure is natural, a little jealous or paranoid for instance but when the actions start to guide your decisions, that’s when you are acting on your insecurities.  Simply put, if you let your insecurities cause you to think negative thoughts, they will later manifest into negative actions.

Negative thoughts equals Negative actions

Don’t let your well being depend on someone else

Trust in yourself

Studies have shown that when someone feels insecure, you are often focused on something you feel is lacking about you. In every well matched relationship (whether it is a friend, significant other, family, etc…) everyone brings different qualities and strengths that complement each other. When you aren’t feeling good about who you are on the inside, it is natural to want to look outside of yourself for validation but wanting approval from someone else is a losing situation. What happens is that you give all away your power  because now your well being depends on someone else. So your Self-Esteem is the key to a healthy me!

If you build your self-esteem, that is like an Armour of metal all around you.  Not only do you feel better about yourself. you are resilient as well.  We often tend to confuse what self-esteem is all about. Does it have to do with the way you look? How popular you are with your friends or others? Do you need a great body? Does it mean that you need to have accomplished something in order to have good self-esteem?

What is boils down to is simple, self-esteem means appreciating yourself for who you are along with all your faults. Here in the United States, unlike other Countries, it  seems like we struggle with self-esteem more than others because of the emphasis we seem to put on materialistic indicators of self-worth (like what kind of car you drive, what school your kids attend, what your grades are, how big a house you have, or what your title is at work).

In your journey to developing your self-esteem, nothing can kill the process more than setting unrealistic expectations. I remember when I was in my 20s, I always said that ” by the time I am 40, I want to be a millionaire”. Well, 40 came and not a millionaire. My expectation was unrealistic, and my self-esteem took a blow. I was down, but definitely not out.  Instead, maybe set your sights on the attainable like learning the language so you can involve yourself more in conversation, or maybe look for opportunities to help others like volunteering…your small acts of kindness can have a ripple effect on the world .

The bottom line is, your Self-Esteem is so important, you can equate it to a foundation under a house. Reflect on how you can make this vision a reality. Break it down into key bite-sized goals. While dreams and goals are valuable, don’t make the mistake of putting your happiness or enjoyment of life on hold until you’ve achieved them.  Remember, life is a roller coaster and there will be times (some more than others) when we feel like a failure. But that’s no reason to hate yourself or think you’re no good.

Making any changes in your life is never a simple process and will never be successful unless you want the change to happen.

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